Frostbite (Lost a Soul To You)
by scream7
Summary: Loki is tired. Warning triggers. Suicide, past self harm
1. Chapter 1

** Trigger warning in summary. Please, if your easily upset by this, don't read it. Be good to yourself.**

The darkness envelops me. My soul. It is a never ending storm of hell that I have no chance of weathering. Yet, somehow, I do. On this mortal world, in the bed of one Anthony Edward Stark and Steven Grant Rogers. I lay back on soft pillows. The two Avengers have awoken and left to go consume the regular Saturday breakfast of eggs and pancakes. Midgardian food. I've grown to like it, although some days I did crave a roast boar or quail eggs. It was rare I woke feeling like this once again. I try to remember that I had two loving husbands that adored me, as Steve suggested. But the weight on my chest wore on me, the little voice that told me I was nothing continually telling me I was nothing. That I was a monster. Unable to stand myself, I push my self off of the bed and headed to the bathroom. I rinsed my face off, two day old stubble making it feel rough. My lanky raven black hair fell in my face, covering one emerald eye. I glance at myself, before ripping my eyes away. I am unable to look at my self with out seeing the monster. With a sickening sense of curiosity, I fade my glamor and reveal my marked blue skin. It is heavily overlayed with scars both thick and thin. I trace over them with a slim finger. I hate the scars. They remind me of just how weak I am. The tears are falling with an ease that I have missed. This hate is a familiar feeling, comforting in a twisted way. It took no thought to bask in the burning destruction of my essence. That's it, I decide. This is the last time I shall have to handle this. I grab a small but very sharp razor blade I have hidden _very_ carefully from prying eyes. And, of course, a bottle of Anthony's no longer used liquor. For the hell of it, I take some of the pills he thought he had hidden as well before slipping off to the weapons room to retrieve a gun. I look at the cold metal chunk with distaste. It has no elegance, no grace. A blade is such a beautiful tool, offers a certain aura this gun does not posses. It does, however, offer a quick death, which is my point at the moment. I take it as well and cock it curiously. Oh well, I shouldn't use it now. I focus on my magic and appear on the roof. The bright light hits me, but I ignore the oncoming headache, instead going to sit in the middle of the roof and spread the objects I've collected around me. The pills first, I decide, popping open the cap and downing about 20 of them, followed by a healthy swig of alcohol. I continue to drink long after the pills are gone, stopping to see that the bottle was now half empty. For some reason it was stunningly hilarious. I threw my head back and laughed. I would've kept laughing but my fingers were starting to feel like lead, so I quickly pick up the blade and run it lightly over one wrist in a mocking manner before digging in, relishing the deep sting. I follow suit with the other wrist, but for some reason its harder, like my fingers didn't want to work, so I cheat and use a little magic. That makes me giggle too. Now for the grand finale. I sigh and pick up the gun. I think I hear Jarvis in the back ground, but my ears feel like they're stuffed with cotton, so I ignore it. I raise the gun to my head using magic, clicking off the safety and taking a deep breath. There are dark tinges on the end of my vision, something in me is slipping away. I decide on a count to make it easier. I close my eyes and count. One... Two... Three...

Something tackles me and I feel the gun go off. Someone wrestles it out of my magic's grasp and then there's screaming. The world fades slowly and I can't see. Steve and Tony's voices wash over me and I'm hit with a sense of guilt until I realize that they'll be so much better without me. Finally, I can't feel anything, and I'm glad. Hell awaits.

**So, anyone up for a Part two? Or should I leave it as is? As always R and R.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This isn't another update, just me fixing formatting errors because Chapter 2 was actully posted from a tablet Oops. Any ways, many thanks to the ever wonderful and motivating thephoenixandthedragon4ever. They PMed me and basically got me to get my shit together for this story, for which I am eternally grateful. And thank you to PeaceHeather for pointing out my wacky formatting. Tablets are not the best for writing, let me tell you.**

The insistent beeping is getting on my nerves. I don't know what it is, but I know that as soon as I can focus my magic it will die. Slowly and painfully. I let my thoughts for a while, reveling in the nothingness of it all before I realize: I'm supposed to be dead. Very dead. With a low groan, I come back to my battered body. Despair sweeps upon me as my sticky eyelids force themselves open. The blinding rays of light slanting through the window shade fall upon my pale face, and I see two very worried looking pairs of eyes hovering above me. I look to the nearest pair- a piercing sapphire- first. "Hullo Steve," I say, reaching up to brush a greasy strand of blond hair from his face, but my arm is yanked back by the many IVs attached to it. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but no words escape him. I take a moment to observe him and his haggard appearance. The dark shadows are smudged under his eyes, almost black, like the charcoals he loves so much, and there is a few days of blond stubble painted onto his jaw, giving him a haggard appearance. Anthony looks no better, with his high cheek bones more pronounced on his gaunt face, tailored goatee and beard no longer perfectly trimmed. I can feel the anxiety rising in me, swirling the tension in the room as warm tears fall down my cheeks. Antony's citrine eyes are the first to share my sadness, to reveal the pain of the last days, the last week, last month, last year. It's too much pain in too little time and soon Steve's own grief shows itself in the form of sparkling tears that leave red splotches high on his dignified face, which is marred by despair. As they make tracks down the planes of Tony's face, no words are spoken except for my own. "I'm so sorry my loves, so very deeply sorry. I love you with every piece of my shattered heart and I would do anything, anything, to keep that broken look from you eyes. Please, tell me what I am to do to make this up to you." There was a long long silence after my little speech. And then-

"You know, I had a fucking beautiful apology planed out for you, to tell you that we were sorry for whatever Steve and I did to drive you to this, but no! You wake up and your instantly fucking selfless and fucking apologizing to us! Are you insane?!" Tony finally said. "Tony," Steve said sharply. "What! You know its true! He's so fucking blinded and, Oh my God- I can't. I just can't. Not right now."

In lieu of proper words and explanations, he comes to stand very close to my small bed. I realize what he wants from me and scoot over very carefully, pulling aside thin white hospital sheets as I shiver from the cold. Steve notices and goes to a hidden closet in the room, pulling out a huge blue comforter and stalking back to us. "May I?" he ask as I snuggle close to Anthony, feeling warmer already with his arm wrapped around me, the metallic ozone scent that haunts him from his times in the lab filling my senses. I nod minutely and scoot back even further into my clever lover. Steve can hardly fit and I can feel the bed creaking attempting to support us all. If I cheat and use a little magic to make it slightly wider and a little stronger, well, no one will ever have to know. Although, if the look Steve gives me is anything to go by, he notices. Nevertheless, he snuggles down in with us, enjoying his lovers and becoming a second source of glorious, luxurious warmth. "Sleep," he says, blue eyes smiling down at me,"We'll talk in the morning."

**AN: Once again, a cliffy (not really). I'm sorry it took me so very long, I SWEAR I didn't mean to. It's also very very short because I wanted to post it asap. Annnyyywayyy... Part three, or naw? Tell me if you want it and I will write it. Eventually.  
**


End file.
